Pumpkin spice lattes. Pumpkin spice oatmeal. Pumpkin spice soup, salad, Cheerios, Twinkies, Goldfish, gum, pasta sauce, squash, beef jerky, cough drops, bird food, hand sanitizer, AAA batteries and bugs that fly into your mouth.
The epidemic is spreading annually, now from late August to well past gingerbread season. This Fall and onward, you might as well take advantage of the craze and flask the flavor! With my Sober October officially over I’ve resumed duties as influencer, so here are five basic ways to mix the nefarious pumpkin spice into your weekend cocktails:
1. Pumpkin Martinis
The classic direction is a Linus-inspired dessert drink that his elder version sulkily stirs whilst the children go trick-or-treating for rocks. Whether you’re barreling straight towards it or aiming for a subtle “Grandma’s pie” quality such as what you see above, there are countless variations of pumpkin spice martinis you can string together.
Another prime example is the Drunken Pumpkin, which can include simply any pumpkin spice liqueur (even Schnapps if you must) + whipped cream vodka (we’ll roll with Pinnacle) + nutmeg & friends (and they’re the only friends I have thanks to my Schnapps and Pinnacle selections).
2. Old Fashioned Pumpkin
Baileys, believe it or not (!), is not strictly limited to Irish coffees. In this one-upper, for every two parts pour another part bourbon – I myself can never quit Jim Beam Honey – and then see how mad you still are at millennials after several sips.
3. Pumpkin Fever
“But why is the pumpkin gone?!” Jack Sparrow implored his cubicle mates from a daily morning stupor. Vodka isn’t the only spirit to invest in the practice of controversial theming.
Sailor Jerry is the recommended rum to pair with double parts Bols Pumpkin Smash, plus a 1/4 ounce each of cream and milk. Remember your iced shake-and-strain technique, dash with cinnamon and rim your glass with [Tortuga-imported] sugar and the cabin secrets of the Hispañola (and yes I am well aware that I switched from Pirates of the Caribbean to Muppet Treasure Island references mid-sentence).
4. Pumpkin Apple Shandy
The perfect ratio of mainstream and hipster, pumpkin beer seems to be promoting Oktoberfest far more boisterously than grapefruit or black cherry flavors these days. Go half and half with fall-familiar apple cider and we may have ourselves the prize ribbon winner of the alcoholic patch. Garnish with apple slices and a cinnamon stick, and contently fall asleep to your underachieving NFL team with the micro foulard tie still snuggly knotted upon your collar.
5. Pumpkin Sangria
Leave it to Mom to transform any given ingredient into a Hispanic white wine and chopped fruit concoction. We’re making solidly consistent choices, slicing two apples while inviting the underrated Bartlett pear to the party. Combine with 1 cup of apple cider OR juice, 1/4 cup of pumpkin spice dry, two tablespoons maple syrup if desired, and then refrigerate for several hours in an oversized mermaid-shaped tankard.
Hopefully after these drinks enough is left of you guys come the winter holidays! Comment below with your own pumpkin spice suggestions. We’ll be patiently waiting, harvesting good vibes and spitting seeds until March…
Mike L. // The Guide