1) On a scale of 1 to 10, how infuriated are you by these developments?
I’m surprising myself by copping out at a 5. Football is still football and between objectively the two stoutest on-field products this season, as a New York Giants faithful I am guaranteed to witness one of my adversaries experience failure.
2) What is the key storyline, matchup or intangible inspo keeping you driven in the hype of watching this game?
We’re about to find out if it’s truly an NFC East-wide tradition to dominate New England’s trenches and Tom Brady’s pocket comfort with elite pass rush. If not, a random Patriot will assuredly manipulate the box score, so watch for someone like Rex Burkhead logging 13 receptions out of the backfield for no reason.
3) What does Super Bowl LII have to offer for the casual once-a-year viewer?
Again, aside from two No. 1 seeds, we have age defying science, topical cameos from our pals spread throughout political pop culture, and a history lesson on gates (Spy, Deflate, Nipple, and so forth).
4) The Pats are succumbing to jersey-color superstitions, while the City of Brotherly Love is allegedly prepped for pole climbing. Who is making better choices?
The Brady-[Coach Bill] Belichick duo is undefeated when sporting their “away” white uniforms in championship bouts. The Eagles would be wise to substitute Vaseline for Crisco to sway the balance of good juju back towards them.
5) In light of the matchup…what are you wearing?
In reality, a G-Men hoodie with a Sam the American Eagle (or some other Jim Henson character) t-shirt underneath.
6) Kill, Marry, Date Like A Gentleman: home comfort; sports bar camaraderie; braving crowds, hoopla and maxed credit cards at the stadium.
Kill the bar, marry home comfort and date hoopla.
7) “Pancake Blocks” – your themed plate and cocktail for this year’s gridiron.
8) Which player or figure from this game is our next star to emerge into the GQ stratosphere and beyond?
The only answer to this can be wide receiver turned latest heartthrob Danny Amendola, who is at long last proving himself reliable to fight for all fedoras or beanies frisbee’d through every slant pattern and end zone fade.
9) Quick Hits – your top three nostalgic Super Bowls to date.
Be advised that both Giants victories (SBs 42 & 46) are encased in a separate Toy Story-esque category compared to the rest of my NFL-Pixar championship memory films in this increasingly sloppy metaphor.
- 3. Super Bowl XXXVIII (Patriots > Panthers) – John Kasay’s infamous out-of-bounds kickoff, Adam Vinatieri’s cemented GOAT status and my father explaining to me what Janet Jackson’s halftime contribution meant for my life moving forward.
- 2. Super Bowl XXXIV (Rams > Titans) – I gave zero pigskins about football as a nine-year-old theatre kid that morning, and yet by the time Kevin Dyson was tackled at the 1-yard line as all clocks expired, I was sold. I still miss 90s uniforms.
- 1. Super Bowl XLIV (Saints > Colts) – the very first Super Bowl party hosted by yours truly, with dorm potluck tailgating and friendships sustained to this day, all punctuated by Sean Payton’s onside kick and Tracy Porter’s pick-six of Peyton Manning to seal the deal.
10) Looking ahead briefly to this month’s Winter Olympics, which Patriot and Eagle (one each) go head-to-head in which event and who earns the gold?
Let’s get current Pats tight end Rob Gronkowski (pending concussion clearance) and former Patriots running back LeGarrette Blount facing off in…I suppose curling since the USA’s hockey situation is such a mess right now; Blount’s cleaner bill of health and riper motivation prevails.
11) On to the prop bets: will the Pats finally score in the 1st Quarter?
12) Who records the most individual sacks?
Brandon Graham overpowers Cameron Fleming and whoever else is deployed on his side of the line-of-scrimmage, but just for a mere game-leading two sacks.
13) Tom Brady vs. Nick Foles – more pass attempts.
Between offensive coordinator Josh McDaniel’s milking Brady’s arm for all it has left, and defensive coordinator Matt Patricia expectedly honing in on Philly’s preference of smash mouth football mixed with run-pass options, both quarterbacks will be hurling. If the unspoken goal truly is to make this another legacy performance, give the slight edge to Wonder Boy here, 45 to 39.
14) Will an offensive player take a defensive snap, or vice versa, and if so then who?
The Tennessee Titans’ new head coach Mike Vrabel is best remembered for recording 12 career touchdown grabs – as a Patriots linebacker – including one on the Super Bowl stage versus these very Eagles in the 2004-05 prequel. Sadly, I cannot imagine Kyle Van Noy pulling off the same, nor is Belichick desperate enough to be swapping Brandin Cooks and Stephon Gilmore at any point.
15) Which participant from that Super Bowl XXXIX receives the most in-game mentions?
It would be less work for me to just say “see above,” but Hall-of-Fame finalist, perennial archives diva and broken-leg survivor Terrell Owens will hear several sprinklings of his name as the Eagles yearn for one of their present pass-catchers to emerge with as an impactful of a display.
16) Over/Under 1.5 Trump Tweets from kickoff to zeros.
If pre-drafted on a SOTA teleprompter, there will only be one. If he’s at least wishing Robert Kraft good luck and then goodnight, then bet the over.
17) Commercials, Justin Timberlake, Insert-Animal-Here Bowl…whatever you wish to say about anything miscellaneous.
Kirk Cousins is the next Patriots Prince to be Promised!
18) Your cross-sport parlay of choice is…?
The amount of receptions for the Pats’ leading receiver AND the number of birdies notched by Jon Rahm in this weekend’s Waste Management Phoenix Open BOTH reaching the ‘teens.
19) Which teams represent the AFC and NFC respectively in February of 2019?
The Pittsburgh Steelers with +1000 odds per Odds Shark and the New Orleans Saints at +2000 – Big Ben vs. Easy Breesy.
20) Final score and add a bold tease 😉
Mike L. // The Guide